Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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