Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
