Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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