whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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