Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
