and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
