barbara walters just said penis...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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