a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was like eating out sand paper
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
