apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
