I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
love makes seman taste better
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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