Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
