Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
