The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
