just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
