Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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