i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
