Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
