I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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