last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
