you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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