When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
