Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
