i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
