it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
