I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
