hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
