im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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