he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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