You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
