is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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