Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
