Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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