Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Actions speak louder than pants.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
