I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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