He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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