Whod you bang
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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