Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
