I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
