just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
