You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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