Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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