period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
