Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
