i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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