not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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