I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
