Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MIDGETS
????
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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