her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
