I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
