You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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