just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
