I wish my penis had an off switch
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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