I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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