Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
