how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
