I think I won the penis lottery.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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