Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
