Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
