i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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