My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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