Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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