Will you blow on my dice?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
