you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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