Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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